Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Guess who's employed. . .

Yea, that's right. I got a job.

I am writing articles for a magazine. . . Some of my stories were bought by a publishing company and I have recieved an advance to write "A Dirt Kid's Cookbook: You don't have to eat shit just because you aren't getting paid shit". . . I am delusional and sometimes talk to my cat about philisophical matters. . . I have sold out and am a loan advisor for Simpson University's adult education programs. . . I am an ass.

My job is in the afternoon and evenings which is nice because I tend to do most of my writing between seven in the morning and noon. I am excited because there is no possible way for my new job atmosphere to be as dysfunctional as my last job. Plus I get paid more.

I bought a pink tie which I will wear to my first day of work. I will ride my bike to work even when it is raining and cold because I like the rain and cold and because my car has a gasoline leak (as well as an oil leak, a transmission fluid leak, and a water leak not to mention the bad breaks and leaky tire).

Since I have too much time, I have become a horrible steward of it. I hope that I will become a bit more focused.

I don't know why I am writing in short sentences, a stuccotto voice of direct ideas. It makes me feel like I am writing on a typewriter for some reason.

Also, I am going to insert one of my past writings into this post because it is short and though I wrote it over a month ago, it reminds me of my current thoughts.

Day Screw You: September 3, 2008

What? I skipped from day three to screw you? Yea, that’s because I didn’t write for a few days except to write up some book summaries (I hope to eventually review all of the books I own, but that sounds too noble I HAVE NO EXCUSE). I am a lazy piece of shit, not working so I could write but then not writing because I got lazy. What the fuck is wrong with me, sabotaging my weird ideal. Maybe I will have to start posting these as blogs, then paying people to read them and harangue me when I get lazy.

Anyway, the plans. I am not writing any stories. I have various stories I tell but have never written down, many are of my childhood but these things get collected as you go. I kind of want to start with some of the more recent stories, ones I might call “A Taste of Redding.” These are weird happenings that I feel truly typify the Redding experience. Maybe if I got those out I could start clearing out all the other junk stories I have stored in my mind and someday build a figurative colossal story machine robot (sorry, sometimes the coffee hits me weirdly about now and my mind is a bit of jumbly jittery nonsense).
Also, I am going to start posting the "Taste of Redding" stories. I only have a couple of them written thus far but I find them funny and interesting. They are numbered with the most recent one as first but shouldn't be read by their numerical order. I hope that you find them at least somewhat interesting, funny, and offensive.


Brian Wigand said...

Hey man,
I guess I kind of brew like a hobo. I just buy the malt syrups, boil them with water, put it all in a carboy, add yeast, and bottle it after a little over a week. There's a couple more steps, but that's basically all I do. It comes out delicious. Or shitty. But mostly delicious.

mme. bookling said...

you are paying your readers? When do I get some of that ???

Kooy To The World said...

I'll start paying when you start offering valuable criticism. ZING! Just kidding. I value all of my readers, all four of them.

Peter said...

thanks for the comment it is good to hear from you. I think that you should come us here and visit and we can sit around and drink whiskey sours all day throwing oranges at one another.

catholicbeer said...

Hooray! I'm vomiting from my salt water and fresh water bladders!

scott J tyler said...

Peter's comment triggered this suggestion --the whisky sour made with oranges from a tree (worst name for a drink ever, I am sure you can come up with something better) should most certainly be in the dirt kid cook book. I think about that day sometimes and smile. and then get sad, because the chances of something that magical happening again are . . . well . . . I will probably find and befriend Sasquatch before that awesomeness comes around a second time.

Kooy To The World said...

You just gave me an excellent idea. I am going to ask Phillipian if his oranges are ripe and then I will take a bunch of them and we will have a dirt kid party. Beer stew, those fabled whiskey sours (though it probably won't be nearly as fun without the orange chucking chaos), perhaps combined for a poker night. This is definitelly a good idea.